Hey all!

So many things I want to talk to you about, but this one has been weighing heavy on my heart and mind. Wanting a life vs. working for it. And; let’s talk what can be at the base of it all.

Let’s talk about confidence.  Let’s talk about not caring what anyone else thinks, and let’s talk about living your best life.  Let’s talk about going for what you want and not playing meek because you are afraid to want it!

I talk to women every day via video, voice notes, texts, emails, and DMs.  Women all over the US and actually all over the world.  So often I hear they wish they had my job or they wish they could join my bootcamps but they are scared.  They want the life. All they need to do is start. Every day… start again. And fear leaves them just wanting and not working.

Let’s all take a moment to be reminded about fear. The fear of what people think or fear of hard work is literally the enemy of your dreams coming true. You are letting your enemy control your life when you do this.

I have shared this in previous posts, but I was a classroom Health and PE teacher. I taught middle school and high school in my career. I am a mom of three. My husband was constantly gone coaching baseball. It was insane for me to think I had the time to start another job; let alone think of creating a 6-figure income in my house. It was crazy. But, the best thing I ever did. I was a teacher with little to no social media following and I decided I could figure out how to share my story with the world online? I was scared to death. And I went for it scared. Here I am.

Truly, what I did have was the heart for more. The belief that self-satisfaction at where I land, no matter where it is, isn’t for me. That as long as I’m living there’s more to learn and more to grow. That if I wasn’t expanding I was sitting in stagnation. That sounds awful, right? Well, it is. No doubt you’ve heard the saying, “You’re either living or you’re dying.” Well, think of that with a living plant, tree, whatever you imagine. It’s either growing, blooming, or dying. So, are you growing, blooming, or dying? I choose the first two as long as I can. I recommend it.

Taking the leap to build my own business, figure out how to have success, and spread it to others was scary. But, I just put one foot in front of the other. The girl who has the success you crave has either worked longer or harder than you; or both. But, YOU can have the success if you go to work and make it a priority. Sure; I’ve related it to my business here, but I’m not just talking about that. I’m talking about a health goal, a fitness goal, a work goal, or a social goal (yes; being better socially comes from working on you, too). Put in the work to get the results you want. And be okay with hitting bumps on your path.

You won’t create the life of your dreams if you let fear rule your world.  You just won’t.  Fear will hold you back in a space of certainty and that’s just not where your dreams grow.  If you refuse to do the scary new things you will continue to live in the space that has created for you the exact life you have right now.  And even if your life seems great there’s so much living still to do.  Do you really want to rest in complacency or grow? There’s still so much you can do!

So, how do we deal with fear?  Do the scary things.  That’s it.  Just do it.  Go for it.  There’s an incredible book my Mel Robbins, The 5 Second Rule, that I highly recommend (I’m an Audible junkie; I’m all about multitasking).  It talks about just going for it.  It’s a practice that’s scientifically proven to work to not overthink your ideas, dreams, thoughts, and purpose.  To not overthink and to just act.  Just go.  Check it out if you can.

Here’s the thing, though. When you go for it you need to keep going for it. You need to keep showing up. When it gets hard, and it will; keeping going. Keep going for it. Even when fear comes back. Fear is persistent. But you have to be even more so.

I like to think about my own fears in a few spaces of life.  First of all; flying.  I didn’t fly much when I was younger and in my early 20s I had a nightmare about flying.  It made me so anxious to fly that I couldn’t sleep on planes at all.  I would be so jet lagged after a trip.  I LOVE to travel, adventure, see new things, new spaces, and new cities, so flying was a necessary evil for me to chase my dreams.  I had to choose to do the scary thing I had to get the rewards my heart was calling me to do.  Every time I got on a plane I was fear stricken, but I did it.

Then I started this business that allows me to travel many times every year.  In the past couple of years I have been to Santa Monica, Beverly Hills, Los Angeles, Rancho Palos Verdes, New Orleans, Fort Lauderdale, The Bahamas, Miami, Phoenix, Palm Springs, Scottsdale a few times, the Riviera Maya, Indianapolis twice, and I have trips to Punta Cana, back to NOLA, back to Riviera Maya, Sonoma, Scottsdale again, Palm Springs, St. Louis, and Vegas coming up.  Y’all, if my fear of flying ruled me not only would I have missed out on these incredible opportunities gifted to me through my job, but I probably would not be successful at my job.

Now when I get on an airplane it’s like getting into a car to me.  It’s no big deal.  I can settle right in and fall asleep.  You know why?  Because I have done it so much now.   What first seemed scary turned into something comfortable and no big deal because of lots of practice.  It is the practice of the uncomfortable thing over time that makes it comfortable. It’s starting with, “I have confidence this will get better,” and showing up. It reminds me of a lesson I learned when teaching. “No one flunks out when they show up.”

I also like to think of my fears I had to overcome with social media posting.  Something I do daily now.  And something I did not used to do.  I used to care so much what people thought about me.  I would spend far too much time being careful who I would offend or what someone would say about what I said.  Now, I just throw it out there and let it ride.  I don’t care at all if someone doesn’t like my message.  And you know what?  That came from putting that scary thing into practice, too.  It was hard at first to post, but when I saw what an incredible opportunity I had in front of me for my life; I knew getting my message out there was the scary part I had to do. I had to do it over and over until it wasn’t uncomfortable anymore.

What I am saying— whatever it is you want that scares you; go for it.  The only way out is through.  Go right into it and when the little alarms if fear are going off say back, “Thanks for warning me that we are not used to this space.  That doesn’t mean it’s not for me.”  

So many women come to me asking for help and want to do my bootcamps.  But they resign themselves to the fact they’ll probably fail before they even start.  They say they are scared to start because of that failure.  And my answer again is the same; Get going.  If you fall off track that’s NOT failing. You need to get back up.  Keep practicing .  The only way to make it a comfortable habit is to keep showing up.  Keep going.  Until it’s as natural as the flights I hop on these days.

When I mentor new coaches on the business side of things and we talk goals.  They always tell me the goals sound scary.  And I said back, “Then it’s time to do the scary things until it’s not scary.”

Confidence will be a huge factor in your success in anything. In everything. And how do you grow confidence?  By pouring into you.  By showing up for you and growing as a human.  By showing yourself you can do the scary and hard things.  Confidence isn’t being the loudest person in the room.  In fact, I’d like to say the strongest confidence is silently walking into the room and commanding it with your presence. And that comes from knowing who you are.  Want to be more confident?  Take care of you.  Pour into you.  Show up for you.  Do the scary things until they are not scary. You’ll be so proud of yourself you won’t need to impress anyone else.

I didn’t come into this job being confident.  And it’s not as if everything I do I am confident will succeed the first time.  But what I do know if I have faith in my ability to work hard and give it my best.  To go for what I want and leave the cards on the table.  That doesn’t mean someone isn’t scared. It also doesn’t mean the cards I play will always be the winning hand. But it does mean I’ll come back knowing how to play better next time.

I’d argue confidence can be doing it scared because you are okay with the outcome either way.  Because you know there’s no end to what you’ll do next or where you’ll take it.  Confidence often comes with perseverance and tenacity.  It’s being attached to the process as part of your growth not only attached to one outcome.

And this leads me to just not caring what anyone else thinks.  In life you are going to meet people who will oppose you doing your best.  They will oppose your ideas, your thoughts, your points of view.  Allow it. It’s okay.  Allow people to know you, to know what you stand for, what you want, what you need, and allow it to be totally okay if they don’t agree with you. Sometimes it’s even those closest to you.  When you grow and evolve they may not be comfortable with the new space you’re taking up.  Allow it.  But, don’t shrink down.  If you are strong in your pursuit of what you want there’s no small thinking or low vibes that can get in your way.  

Maybe you speak up for something you want and you’re told no?  Allow that.  Because this life is our only one and it’s fleeting.  Pride can’t fit into the equation of living your best life.  Go for it.  And be unattached to the outcome.  But be in love with the process of growth.

Honestly, imagine yourself 80+ years old sitting on your rocker on your porch.  You’re staring off into the distance looking back at your life.  Will you really decide you’re so grateful you never went for it, you played it safe, you never took that trip, sent that message, asked that question, tried that venture, & you got the approval of Aunt Sally instead of following your heart?  Will you be thankful you stayed safe with all these questions dying inside of you?  Or will you be thankful you left no stone unturned, tried everything, took the adventures, saw the sights, had the stories to tell, and the memories were made?  Will you be thankful that you were brave?

I choose the ladder.  And I hope you will, too.  I’m urging you to go for what you want.  I’m urging you to tell fear you are stronger.  And I’m urging you to step outside your comfort zone to create so much more for yourself and this story of your life.  There can be so much more.  And most of all work on creating the best version of you.  The version of you that you can wake up happy to be.  The you that makes it all right in your soul and that doesn’t need to answer to anyone or explain your story to anyone.  

Be the force to be reckoned with that you were placed here to be.  Be the bright light you know you are.  And if people are complaining your light is hurting their eyes; they can get sunglasses. Because I think you should just go for it.