I have to workout for my sanity.  Flatly, that’s it. I have to. I mostly just do 30 minutes a day in my own house and normally like 5-6 days a week. I am a happier, healthier version from the inside out so I make my happiness a priority.

Most on my life I started a workout routine at some point because I wanted to be thinner or in shape for whatever the thing was.  And sure it happened. And at times it involved crazy workouts, huge calorie deficits, skipping meal, and hating my body into change.  Smaller is obviously not always healthy. Also, most of my life I quit those routines and was always climbing a steep hill only to slide right back down.

When I really look back I believe I started consciously working out in middle school. Which is weird to me now that I have a middle schooler. She is active because of sports, but she does not care about working out and I like it that way. She knows mom does workouts out daily because it’s important to move the body, but she does that with PE and sports and doesn’t think twice otherwise. I’m proud about that.

I also learned I was “fast” in 3rd grade when my math teacher offered me extra credit if I tried out for the relay team.  I didn’t think I would make it but wanted the points for my grade. I went out there on my recess and beat everyone on recess that day and made a team. After that, I did relays until track was available to me in 6th grade and did that.  In middle school it got more competitive and I wanted to keep being one of the fastest, so I started working out.  

Honestly, back then I don’t know that parents hired personal trainers and skills or conditioning coaches like they do now.  I especially know they didn’t in my little country town. There was no internet back then to teach me great things to do and my parents knew nothing about being competitive in the athletic world.  So I was making up crazy stuff to do and I doubt it helped. But, I continued be be one of the fastest and that’s where I kind of fell in love with working out to improve myself.

I never really thought about my body negatively growing up.  It did what I wanted it to do in sports. I knew jeans didn’t really fit me because they were too tight in the thighs, too big in the waist, and too long for my short legs.  I had family members and some people at school comment on my big butt or thighs so I knew they were there. But didn’t really care that much about it. It did change a bit my senior year and I started running more longer distances on my own to thin my legs out.  I skipped meals. Obviously I was getting “smaller,” but again; my mind wasn’t right about it.

College came and I had a scholarship and ran track for the university team.  I was to go to the gym and do specific workouts that I didn’t always totally know how to or understand.  I had little guidance on the hows of the things I was supposed to do so that’s when I started to get anxious about working out. I felt like I was supposed to know how but I didn’t. And I felt stupid asking because everyone around me seemed to know how. I was a collegiate athlete with a scholarship; I should know, right? So I flubbed through workouts and as much as I wanted to love the gym I hated it.

My new boyfriend in college was really into the gym. Workouts and eating were on point for him. I mirrored the behavior and we even had some friends calling us, “Mr. & Mrs. Fitness.” Again, I was in love with how I felt from workouts and I did get results with consistency; I just had a bit of anxiety at the gym.  It only got worse when I would hear all my gym friends make fun of others there. What if they also knew I didn’t know everything there????  

After a couple years at that school I changed my mind about what I wanted to do more than once. Athletic Trainer. Physical Therapist. Sports Reporter. Then somehow I ended up majoring in Health and Physical Education. I LOVED how I felt when I worked out and took care of myself.  I knew it mattered. My physical health was affected but so was my mental health. I was hooked on that and I wanted to share and help people with it. I wanted to teach others the whys and hows to being healthy and moving our bodies.

After I stopped doing track I was working full time and I was under stress with work, school, relationships, and so much more. When I was stressed I turned to eating and partying.  Weight just jumped on my body. I tried the gyms at unsuccessfully again either because the times it was available didn’t work for my schedule or I was embarrassed again when it did. So I ran, did old VHS workouts, and just sort of made up my own stuff from what I knew.  And always skipped meals. Again.

Then once again it worked in making me smaller. But, that’s the problem. My body was getting smaller but so was my mindset. All of those times I wanted to be smaller, not healthier. It was never sustainable health. I joined gyms I didn’t consistently go to. I always gave one excuse or another. I always loved how I felt while working out. My spirit was lifted, my brain fog cleared, my body changing. But things never stuck and I road an emotional rollercoaster because of it.

I was a serial workout starter and quitter.  I continued that habit for years. Join a gym, waste my money and not go, quit, run, quit, join a gym,… you get it.  After my first daughter I did the running thing, lost the baby weight, slowly put it on every winter, would run again, but left out the gym thing because of babies and schedules.  With baby #2, I did get a burned copy of some workout DVDs at home. P90x. Anyone ever try it? I did. For two weeks. And quit that. I thought the workouts were too hard for me, I didn’t have any sort of accountability, and I did not ever attempt a meal plan to give myself enough of the right fuel to commit.  I kick myself even now for not completing that program and not leaning in to trying a little bit more.

So, the cycle continued through pregnancy #3 that ended with a miscarriage and after pregnancy #4 and the birth of our healthy third and final child.  After she was born I decided I needed to live the life I always pictured myself living. I just wanted to be healthy and vital. For my future and my children’s future.  So, I went to good ol’ Pinterest for workout challenges and running again.

It was working but it wasn’t again.  I was restricting calories, I was running until injured, I was losing hair because I was not getting the right nutrients.  I knew I needed answers and a better solution. I started checking out gyms again and they were too much money. I felt incredibly stuck, but kept listening to all these inspiring fitness girls I was following on Facebook.  I knew nothing about anything that had to do with Instagram at the time. Besides maybe I edited a few pictures on there once.  

Over time I really started listening to these women on social media who seemed to get what I wanted.  I want to have a glass of wine. I want to have a beer at a BBQ (or a few; whatever).   I wanted to be able to go to a restaurant and eat off the menu and not feel guilt about it being “too many points” or “cheating on my diet.”  I wanted to live life and be healthy. And that should be a thing. There were women doing those things I wanted and looking fantastic. What was their secret?

At home workouts consistently. That was the secret. Balanced nutrition. After much convincing, research, telling myself yes 1,000 times but not leaping; I finally said yes to trying in home workouts.  Since I told myself I was making this a lifestyle, I needed it to work.  I poured myself a glass of wine after the kids went to bed and went all-in on my planning. I needed to lean fully in and not quit like I had before. 

I had already been meal planning dinners for the month since we had 3 kids. It was a budgeting as well as time-saving practice I did. But, with this system I laid out all my meals each week.  I gave up my Starbucks because I felt like it could help offset the bootcamp enrollment fees. And I stuck to that meal plan because (a) I had to make this work, (b) I already bought and planned the food for it; it was saving time and money, (c) if it didn’t work, I wanted to know I put in my all and did it right before I sent it back. 

Well, it worked.  People started asking me what I was doing, clothes fit better, I felt better, my husband said he wanted to do what I was doing, and I was hooked.  Three years later I am still doing my in home workouts daily. I will share plenty about them all here. If you ever wanna be my in-home workout buddy, let me know, too!  I would love that!

xoxo-Autum